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Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in Gods Of War protectors of the innocent's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
10:05 pm
Some fucked up shit... (part 2)
Well today was the day I told Mom about grandma (her mom). "That's fine with me. I have NOOOO problem with that", That was her exact quote... WTF man, How can two people hate each other soooo much. I not trying to sound like I'm in a high pesistal or anything, BUT FUCKERS LIKE THESE ARE THE PEOPLE I STAY AWAY FROM... but I can't. These fuckers are family. I'm so pissed off right now. If they never say goodbye, their will be aftermath to that. Both on a physical and spiritual level. :.( What to do, What to do.... How can I come from THIS family. I am so opposite from these people. I try to help those around me (and sometimes I try too hard, like with my x). They (my family) are so self centered... Well I guess I was too at one time... But I would never 'Hate' someone. That takes too much energy and time from me. I dunno what to do...

Well my grandma has until Friday to decide what she's gonna do. I assume she has a few options. I wasn't given any details. Ya know... I'm starting to wonder if this is another twisted joke by grandma. I'm gonna feel bad for saying that but I do wonder. My grandma is very devious, but what can she earn from this.... she's played with mom before. She (grandma) tried to win us kids. She failed.


Current Mood: disappointed
Sunday, January 30th, 2005
3:45 am
OK, this is messed up. My grandma comes into MTM today. I see her and give her a hug. I've talked to her off and on for the past 8 or so years (long story). She told me we need to talk. OK, I'm thinking she gonna rag on me for not coming over and stuff. She says, "Tom, I'm dying" I'm like stunned. What am I supposed to say. She proceeds to tel me about 3 aneurysms in or on her brain. Now I dunno much about them, but I do know that if 1 blows YOUR DEAD. So again I'm like stunned. So we started talking about current things (my cousin has a BF, they been steady for 4 or so months now.) and remanising on past times, shit like that. But then she makes me promise her something. She made me promise her that my mom (her daughter) and my step-dad wouldn't be at her surgery and if she passes on, they can't be at the furneral..... WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you hate someone that much that you say that??? Especially your own daughter??? And she puts me in the middle of this. I have to be the message boy... I'm ready to cry at work. I was so pissed at her. I t took everything I had in me not to yell at her. I got really close to crying. How the fuck could she do that. How can you hate someone that much???? It makes no sense to me. All she told me was,"I've took so much shit from her. I turned 1 cheek and the other cheek. I have no more cheeks".

Ok, why??? My mom and my grandma wasn't always on good terms. They fought often. But thats what kids do, fight with their parents. It's fun. but I don't understand why they would hate each other like that. Their last blowout was over my stepdad. My mom hid him at first. My grandparents are really old fashion. Whites stay with whites, blacks stay with blacks, and so on (Yea, I guess I woulda got disowned with my last GF too HEE HEE) My stepdad is Black/African American. So what??? Does it matter that much??? People are people. An asshole is an asshole. A good person is a good person. Does skin color or race mater??? I think not. My last girlfriend is black, she was a good person.

But now I'm faced with the task of being the middle man. I gotta tell my fam the news. How do I tell them that then say,"Mom, grandma said you can't go"???? So fucking lost right now...

Current Mood: confused
Thursday, January 13th, 2005
3:42 am
never ask of people that wich you would never do your self
my first boss said that to me
and when i became a boss i said that to my very own employees when i would do work and not ask them to do it altho it was vile and stupid
i said yeh one day i might not want to do this discusting crap and then yeh i will ask you to lol and eventuly i did

the point of that is i ask people to post in here for help or to help outhers and i will now show my colors by doing so my self!

i had this friend i loved her very very much however because she kept hurting me i had to let her go after years and years i wrote a letter in my persnoal journal to her but i will never give it to her or anyone i just wrote it to get my feeligns out
thats why i like the journals :) get them feelins out no one ever has to see what you write eather :)
now my problem is this
after i called her and said i dont' want you to hurt me anymore and all that garbage
i figured it was done she had no wish to call me or anything
however i was wrong last night and tonight she called me
this has haponed before she clamed she would call me untill we fixed the problem
but wheni said ok you win lets fix this she would ingnore me or tell meshe didn't have time and went back to her old ways of everything i do is wrong
hence why i should not trust what she is doing
i know every part of me knows better then to call her back
beacuse it will do no good or she just wants to take another shot
maybe one last shot to finnish me off? (i get really suspious of people sometimes who have hurt me in thepast)
i finaly feel better after i let her go but theres a huge hole in me that she used to fill
and i want that hole filled so eh i have no idea what i wish do to about her

:) i am not expecting any soultions really i just wanted to share with all :)
type what ever posts you feel like typeing in the comunitiy by the way it dosen't have to be all doom and gloom it could be hapy too :)
anything you want what ever your heart dizires

now seeing as i can't welcome this member threw comments in jouranls
kain82 glad to see you
oomazzo i am sure i got ya earlyer in comments muchos hugs again
maybe im dying ;) ehugs
Monday, January 10th, 2005
5:00 am
Gods Of War standing tall
this is our first post
alow me to tell you about my self and more why i started this comunity

i have had alot of bad hapon to me recently and wheni stood up "frieinds" would knock me back down there uncareing ways would only hurt more these same people i did no less then save alot of there lives

i started to see this kind of crule you do for me and i nothing for you action in other people seeing more and more good people getting hurt
i have had it

this comunity will stand true to its name those who need help of any kind for any problem will find careing here

the theroy is those who are introble will get a flood of love and careing form everyone else around them even if its just one responce that says hay i care i wnat to give you atleast five min becasue you are worth it :)

i no longer wish anyone else to go threw what i had to endure
let begin the new day

as the mod i will be availbe to anyone at anytime i can be for talking online i have three types of messanger yahoo msn and aol ask for screen names and you shall recive them
use the email on the info page if you need to or for a qucker result
my email is kayne5150@hotmail.com i will get those right away and answer them as i get them the guanyu acount i will check often :)
so there thats my contact info if needed
i will put this post in memorys so my contact info can be gotten at anytime
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